Self reflection | ♡

22/9/2013

So last night, I moved the keyboard piano into my bedroom (finally!) after years of contemplating whether to move it or not because I was concerned with space in my room and all that jazz. I haven't played piano in a very very long time, in terms of fluently, as a kid, my parents took me to piano lessons and I really enjoyed it, this all started because as a small toddler I'd climb onto the piano seat and just play the piano which is why they decided to take me to lessons. 

I wasn't a bad player, however, I won't say I was a great player, after being chosen or whether it was a compulsory test or competition I had to attend and play this piano piece, I think it was Minuet piano piece I had to play in front of an audiences and judges, before leaving the house, I played the piece once over and it was perfect, I knew every chord but when it came to crunch time, I failed.

I forgot the musical piece, I only remembered a verse and what did I do? I kept on playing that verse over and over again till it hit the 3 min mark which I remember so vividly being a small bell that they'd ring to tell us how long it has been. 

I remember hopping off that piano and went straight to my seat and I was in distraught, I got a 'participation' certificate and I remember leaving that hall, crying, I felt incompetent, hopeless and a failure after all those efforts of taking me to piano lessons, were for nothing, were for me to forget how to play a piece without the music sheet in front of me.

After that event, I decided to quit piano, I made every excuse possible, from I don't like playing piano to my fingers hurt and that's why my pinky is bent the way that it is. I quit playing the piano because I failed.

I realised after playing the keyboard piano in my room that, that's not the motto that I live by, I don't quit on something because I fail or because it was unsuccessful or because it's not what I expected it to turn out to be, I'm not that type of person now. I'm a person who will continue to try, to change and to be better at something.

And now, now I regret ever quitting playing piano, the piano is so fun to play with and the fact I don't remember how to read chords or how to even play the piano properly and fluently, it makes me upset. It makes me feel disappointed in the little me, that I gave up on something because it brought me to tears. 

I really want to become better at playing, I really do, I want to learn the songs that I love singing, which I might add, I have been practicing to play 'Almost is Never Enough' by Ariana Grande ft Nathan Sykes - However I'm still a little rusty and I can't get the singing and playing down right or having it at the right tune/tone to suit my voice.

So if you ever loved/liked something but you gave up on it because it 'failed' at it 'once', try and pick it up again, continue to fight for what you enjoy, no matter what anybody else thinks of you because at the end of the day, you enjoy doing it and you can always improve what you have once failed at doing. Improvement is an accomplishment that gives you hope and life. 

I can't exercise how important it is to not give up, because giving up is failure in itself. To not try is to fail but to succeed is to try, even if you fail.

Yours Truly,

Bella