Opening up

15/01/14

Hello readers,

On Monday night, I decided to open up and just go for it, asked him how he feels about me because I needed to know, I needed to know where this somewhat 'relationship' stands, whether he liked me the way that I liked him and if he ever wanted to pursue a relationship. 

That whole day I was just in a wallowing mood, I wasn't at my happiest but I wasn't at my lowest however I did end up in the night breaking down when I took a shower and I don't even know why. 

I told him how I felt and thought, that I do like him and I don't expect him to like me back, I don't want to hurt him if I was to ever become involved with some other guy - let me recap who I am talking about here, he lives in another state and we've known each other since I was 9 or 10 (I am turning 19 soon) and only recently we reconnected through txt messaging over the past year (2013).

He told me, that if we were to ever meet in real life and we do end up liking each other then things will change, I don't expect him to change how he feels about me after the talk, I just wanted to let him know where I stand with my feelings and to let him know that I don't want to hurt him, hurt him in the way that he may think that I was leading him on and just playing with him (if I was to end up with someone else).

But in the end, things happen for a reason and if it was meant to be, it's meant to be, if it's not then that is ok, that is life. Not everything is supposed to sail perfectly, what you want or see in your future will not always be that way.

Also if someone is that special to you, they are worth the wait and he is but it's hard because he lives so far away, I can't wait forever, but I did stick with my guns and stayed loyal, people say that I shouldn't even bother with him because 'long distant' relationships 'don't work' but you never know, you never know until you try, I'd rather try than regret not trying at all, I don't want to look back in 3 months, in 6 months, in 2 years and regret and say to myself "What if I continued and didn't give up on him, would we have been something, would be together?" 

I guess the main reason I got upset and broke down was because I don't want those people who said "long distant relationships don't work', I don't want them to say "I told you so" "You should of listened to me" "You waisted your time", but in the end, it's my choice, my choice whether to listen to them and do what they said and it is my choice whether to continue to hold on or not because in the end, it's my heart, not theirs.

After opening up to him that night, it opened up my mind and my heart, and it was good, I relaxed me, it put my at ease with my emotions and thoughts. I was scared to do it, scared to ask but it was all worth it in the end, we still talk till this day and I am happy :)
And whatever happens, happens and I'll be happy about it.

I'm glad I did what I did because I am happy.

Don't be scared to tell somebody how you truly feel, don't be scared to ask someone whether they like you or not, I know the whole 'rejection, losing a friend' aspect can be intimidating but it will put you at ease in the end, it will show the true colours of the other person.

Guys are also scared too, scared to talk or ask anything to girls, they are just like us but someone has to step up, guys like being messaged first by a girl, it kind of puts pressure of their backs and sometimes us girls need to be empowered to maybe be the man in the relationship.

So don't be afraid, whatever is on your mind, just tell them! It will be worth it in the end!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Confusing people

31/10/13

Happy Halloween everyone! However we don't really celebrate it in Australia but oh well haha.

So, Hermit (I've introduced him in my older entries), we have been talking for a while now and every time I talk to him, talk as in messaging, we've only skyped twice, anyways I haven't had a conversation with him for the past 2 days. I mean it's not something to go all sad and crazy about, but it is weird.

Sometimes I do think whether he only texts me when he is bored and I don't know what he thinks when we talk to each other, like what is this type of friendship/relationship, I'm not saying we are definitely like gf/bf, I'm just saying could this be one that leads into one? 

I'm not desperate or crazy to want him but I just like to know where I stand and what I am to him. However he is quite the busy person, he's always out with his mates or work and other activities and recently he's been on set doing work... so maybe that could be why he's been not as active as before?

Whatever happens, happens and if we were meant to be then we were meant to be together, time will tell and yeah.

It's not much I have to lose, we'd still be friends just nothing more...

I sound crazy and a confusing person myself, now that I think about it haha.

I can't think of anything else to write, I'm starting to realise that maybe I do miss him, more than I usually would than I would other people and I guess that kinda shows I have small feelings for him...

I don't know where this is going ... haha

Yours Truly,

Bella

Into the Present

31/8/13

To start off, i'm going to write about what has been happening this month in August.

August went really quick, in fact this whole year has, another 4 months at it's 2014.

I dated this guy called Leo, back in 2009 and ended in 2010 but we're still friends, I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing. I've heard the saying along the lines of, never be friends with the ex because it means that one of us is not quite over the other. I guess it's kind of true, i've heard he's not over me, that he misses me and wants to know whether I do as well.. but I don't think I do, there's so many things about him that I just, I find so annoying, we're not even together and we argue with each so often. I really do miss having someone to hug, to go out and do couple-like things together. 

But then there is this other guy, Hermit, I've known him for so long but he lives so far, not across the globe but just in another state. He's amazingly gorgeous, haha, maybe not a CK model, but he's quite good-looking, to me anyhow, he's nice and... yeah haha. I don't think anything will happen, ever, but I want to meet him one day, even though that might be awkward but you never know. We met over this game, 9 years ago, haha, we were both incredibly young but pretended to be older than we were, we used to talk over msn, then txt but it wasn't like 24/7 or everyday chat, it was just a here and there chats. I have him on FB and we talk there but they would go for 2 days and it'd stop. 

I kind of side tracked from what happened this month, to my love life, hahaha, well what else happened this August, uuh it was my friends birthday, we hit the clubs and had a good girls night out, university is going way too quick and I have no clue when anything is due, I feel like the work is just toppling all over me and I have no motivation to do anything about it.

I was getting back into the exercise regime and eating healthy but that only ever goes for so long... maybe for 2 weeks and there's always some event that changes my routine, but I haven't entirely eaten junk food so, I think i'm in the all clear.

I better go and do some work and finish this quiz, I hope you have a great day and do the things that make you happy.

Yours Truly,

Bella