Opening up

15/01/14

Hello readers,

On Monday night, I decided to open up and just go for it, asked him how he feels about me because I needed to know, I needed to know where this somewhat 'relationship' stands, whether he liked me the way that I liked him and if he ever wanted to pursue a relationship. 

That whole day I was just in a wallowing mood, I wasn't at my happiest but I wasn't at my lowest however I did end up in the night breaking down when I took a shower and I don't even know why. 

I told him how I felt and thought, that I do like him and I don't expect him to like me back, I don't want to hurt him if I was to ever become involved with some other guy - let me recap who I am talking about here, he lives in another state and we've known each other since I was 9 or 10 (I am turning 19 soon) and only recently we reconnected through txt messaging over the past year (2013).

He told me, that if we were to ever meet in real life and we do end up liking each other then things will change, I don't expect him to change how he feels about me after the talk, I just wanted to let him know where I stand with my feelings and to let him know that I don't want to hurt him, hurt him in the way that he may think that I was leading him on and just playing with him (if I was to end up with someone else).

But in the end, things happen for a reason and if it was meant to be, it's meant to be, if it's not then that is ok, that is life. Not everything is supposed to sail perfectly, what you want or see in your future will not always be that way.

Also if someone is that special to you, they are worth the wait and he is but it's hard because he lives so far away, I can't wait forever, but I did stick with my guns and stayed loyal, people say that I shouldn't even bother with him because 'long distant' relationships 'don't work' but you never know, you never know until you try, I'd rather try than regret not trying at all, I don't want to look back in 3 months, in 6 months, in 2 years and regret and say to myself "What if I continued and didn't give up on him, would we have been something, would be together?" 

I guess the main reason I got upset and broke down was because I don't want those people who said "long distant relationships don't work', I don't want them to say "I told you so" "You should of listened to me" "You waisted your time", but in the end, it's my choice, my choice whether to listen to them and do what they said and it is my choice whether to continue to hold on or not because in the end, it's my heart, not theirs.

After opening up to him that night, it opened up my mind and my heart, and it was good, I relaxed me, it put my at ease with my emotions and thoughts. I was scared to do it, scared to ask but it was all worth it in the end, we still talk till this day and I am happy :)
And whatever happens, happens and I'll be happy about it.

I'm glad I did what I did because I am happy.

Don't be scared to tell somebody how you truly feel, don't be scared to ask someone whether they like you or not, I know the whole 'rejection, losing a friend' aspect can be intimidating but it will put you at ease in the end, it will show the true colours of the other person.

Guys are also scared too, scared to talk or ask anything to girls, they are just like us but someone has to step up, guys like being messaged first by a girl, it kind of puts pressure of their backs and sometimes us girls need to be empowered to maybe be the man in the relationship.

So don't be afraid, whatever is on your mind, just tell them! It will be worth it in the end!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Horoscope | ♡

12/12/13

Pisces Horoscope 2013

"Intensity has been at an all time high when it comes to love, Pisces, and today will be no different. You may be feeling a sense of warning in the air, but once again this is more in your imagination than in reality. If someone has put an offer on the table, you are wisest to at least give this one a shot. You may feel you are risking too much by doing so, but if you examine the past, you know this person will be there for you no matter what happens down the road. True love is unconditional, and the words you are hearing are sincere enough. You will need to believe in this unconditionally as well, for if you do not believe that you can be loved this way, how can you expect to share your own love in the same manner?"

I don't know whether I should believe this, but it seems somewhat true, I don't now whether the guy that I like, likes me back or feels the same way. I don't know if my texting is annoying and he's trying to escape from it and I'm just scared, scared to lose him or make him think I'm clingy/crazy.

Hardest part is, he lives so far away, far away as in a different state and I don't know if there is another girl. Am I just over thinking everything? I don't talk to him as much as everyone thinks that I do and I don't know how he actually feels or thinks, it's hard knowing without seeing their actual reactions and having that face to face interactivity.

I guess time will tell and I really hope this horoscope is true, so then all my thinking can just disappear.

Yours Truly,

Bella.

A life update | ♡

09/12/13

Hello hello, it has been... forever long since my last post. Mainly because nothing exciting has came up or.. I just forget or I am too lazy to update.

Oh however, I did go to Melbourne on the 25th of November to the 29th of November. The trip was so much fun, I actually enjoyed it, the hype around the whole, shopping is better in Melbourne.. I don't know, it seems the same, some of the fashion are the same however there are some stores that are in Sydney as well but have different styles in Melbourne, the prices are fairly similar as well. I didn't purchase much, things seemed the same however the food, is AH-MAZING! It tastes so so good and definitely worth the money (kinda expensive but worth it), Schnitz, oh my god! Delicious chicken parmigiana's ever!!!

Ever since I went to Melbourne and shopped in Portmans, I have recently been going in to the Sydney stores and checking out their clothing and I really like it, it's nice and elegant, it's not the too casual.. mainstream teen type of clothing, it's more mature and fashionable, definitely, also it's very chic and I like that, it has style and it's worth it's penny (well some items).

Overall, Melbourne is quite nice, I stayed at the Somerset on Elizabeth hotel which has a kitchen in the room which is great and it's in like the heart of the city of Melbourne which you could get around places so easily, so very close to Bourke St.

Umm what else is new in my life.. Well I've started to write some songs and I don't know whether they're good or not, I find it difficult to write lyrics because for starters, I've never done it before and I'm just winging it. My friend is helping me of course with the melody and how the piano will go with the lyrics, so this might me a long process. I don't even know if people will like the lyrics I have written up, I know someone in particular probably won't like it, but I couldn't care less because.. I.. feel that, this person, doesn't deserve my respect if they don't respect me after everything that I have done, such as forgiveness, respected their space and time and everything and so whatever, if they don't like that it's about them, then whatever, I shall be the next Taylor Swift, I don't care.

But other than that, I hope people do like the song, obviously it won't be like a killer top 10 on iTunes (haha I wish).

Christmas is also around the corner! So is the New Year!!! 

I literally... feel to poor to buy anybody Christmas Presents, in fact, I don't even know what to buy people these days, everyone is getting older, buying gifts for boys is 100x more difficult but I have no idea what they want! Also I don't know what my Aunties and Uncles would like or need, especially when I have a mum who is very very (VERY!) picky with what she buys for people, not in terms of, it has to be the best gift but rather it has to be something useful and a certain quality that she likes not to mention my Aunties and Uncles are also picky as well (apparently, all the more to add to the list of difficulties of Christmas Presents).

All in all, nothing much has changed in my life, I wish I could say something amazing has happened but nope, sadly. However I appreciate my life, each and everyday, I just have to make my own changes rather than wait for changes to happen because that's the only way we can survive and in order for us to be happy.

I hope everyone has a good day and a good week!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Confusing people

31/10/13

Happy Halloween everyone! However we don't really celebrate it in Australia but oh well haha.

So, Hermit (I've introduced him in my older entries), we have been talking for a while now and every time I talk to him, talk as in messaging, we've only skyped twice, anyways I haven't had a conversation with him for the past 2 days. I mean it's not something to go all sad and crazy about, but it is weird.

Sometimes I do think whether he only texts me when he is bored and I don't know what he thinks when we talk to each other, like what is this type of friendship/relationship, I'm not saying we are definitely like gf/bf, I'm just saying could this be one that leads into one? 

I'm not desperate or crazy to want him but I just like to know where I stand and what I am to him. However he is quite the busy person, he's always out with his mates or work and other activities and recently he's been on set doing work... so maybe that could be why he's been not as active as before?

Whatever happens, happens and if we were meant to be then we were meant to be together, time will tell and yeah.

It's not much I have to lose, we'd still be friends just nothing more...

I sound crazy and a confusing person myself, now that I think about it haha.

I can't think of anything else to write, I'm starting to realise that maybe I do miss him, more than I usually would than I would other people and I guess that kinda shows I have small feelings for him...

I don't know where this is going ... haha

Yours Truly,

Bella

Just thinking

10/9/13

I don't know what to write for today, just feels like every other day so far, right now, I feel, emotionless, there is always a time in the day where inside I feel nothing. I'm just sitting here, trying to think and usually when I think, I get emotional but right now I'm not. 

In my previous blog entries, I wrote about this boy, the one in my lecture on Tuesday and Friday mornings, I didn't see him on Friday and I didn't see him today but that didn't bother me, since I don't know him but it did make me wonder if he switched lectures.

I've realised, I don't know what I want in life or who I want to be with and I feel like we're always constantly looking for love, looking for that significant other but what for? To feel happiness? To know your place in this world? 

I haven't had much thought or attempt in searching for a guy, I'm just waiting for it to come to me, I mean, I do still like to put on a flirtatious and hard-to-get 'act' or persona when i'm in public because I don't know, maybe just to tease people and give them something to run for their money? If that even happens but I just psychologically think that's what I'm doing, that I'm teasing them. I don't even know if what I just wrote made any sense.

One day, everyone will find love and it doesn't have to be the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' love, it's any type of love, the ones that make you feel happy, warm, the ones that make you smile and laugh. Love that sets you free from worries when you're with them and that makes you feel alive.

Anyways, I really should go to sleep, I am really tired, I woke up at 5:30am this morning and I'm just done with being awake right now and my eyes are telling me to go to bed!

I hope you all find love and happiness that you deserve and treasure it.

Yours Truly,

Bella

Ariana Grande ♡

10/9/13

Yours Truly by Ariana Grande

1) Honeymoon Avenue

2) Baby I

3) Right There feat Big Sean

4) Tattooed Heart

5) Lovin' It

6) Piano

7) Daydreamin'

8) The Way feat Mac Miller

9) You'll never know

10) Almost is Never Enough feat Nathan Sykes

11) Popular Song feat Mika

12) Better left unsaid

I know I am really really delayed with this post but can we just sit here and appreciate this amazing gift sent from the heavens?!!?!

Yours Truly by Ariana Grande came out like 6 days ago? I have always been obsessed with Ari but this just tops it up even more, I am soooo in love with this album, I was excited before it came out and I am still excited, it has been the only playlist I have listened to all week, her album.

Before I heard all the songs and she only released The Way and Baby I, they were my go-to music but now with these other songs, they are all amazing but I have found some other favourites; they are in no particular order - Piano, Honeymoon Avenue, Almost is Never Enough, Tattooed Heart.

- I really do recommend listening to this album, Ariana Grande is an amazing artist with great talent and you will not regret it.

Yours Truly,

Bella

Get Active

7/9/13

It is another beautiful Saturday, a 27 degree day, it couldn't be more perfect!

So let me just recap the past two days, on Thursday, me and my friend Mike decided to make a deal, well I brought up the idea, but every Thursday's, we go down to the park and go for a run. So on Thursday, I was a little nervous because I haven't ran in ages and I feel I'm very slow and my cardiovascular system isn't ready but we did it. I pushed myself to try harder, there's this hill at the park and he said to run it up and down 30 times, silly goal, when we got to the 5th up and down the hill, we were tired! So I decided ok, I'll run it up and walk it down but I felt good after, I felt healthy, alive and happy. I ended up only going up and down twelve times and he only did 10, which makes me feel better about myself haha.

That same night was Fashion Night Out, I decided to dress decent and wear heels out to the city, I went with other people, Paula and Sarah, as well as Mike. I was expecting big sales and finding a bunch of new clothes or accessories, but there wasn't many that caught my eye or attention but I did buy 3 things.

- A top from Sportsgirl for $14.95, as it had a 'take $10 off' sale, so it originally was $24.95.

- A blazer from Zara for $89.95. Zara didn't have a sale but I've been wanting a blazer however I'm going to keep the receipt and go back to Zara and check out if there is any other blazer's I may like better and maybe swap it.

- A jumpsuit from a shop called Rocking on Fifth; it's those shops in the middle of the shopping centres, so it's not really a store just an open ground to sell clothes and accessories. I really like the jumpsuit, it's floral print and perfect for Spring/Summer; it was $30-40 I forgot but it was 20% off.

On Friday, was just another day of uni, it was 26 degrees and I ended up getting a little tan on my chest and arms haha. I also realized, I'm just going to be myself and don't worry about boys, they can find me haha. Also after than run, my body is aching and it still is today, like they say 'No Pain, No Gain'.

Today is Election Day! Yay, fun haha, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, it was pretty simple but I remember back in Highschool during Commerce, that the teacher made a huge deal and made it sound really confusing. Today I'm going to buckle my head down and learn Accounting, I find it very very confusing and I look really dumb in class.

So as I usually end off; make a goal and do it, you will feel so much better after you get into a routine or habit and you will see results; whether it is a goal about body image or achieving your dream - just go for it!

Happy Saturday

Yours Truly,

Bella

Another day

3/8/13

I don't like Tuesdays, I mean the waking up part is what I don't like about it, having to wake up at 5:30am is not ideal at all. Another day at uni, it has been 6 weeks already and I haven't done much, it has flown so quickly! There's this one guy, something about him, other than his looks of course, makes me feel like a girl, like I am girl but shy and cautious of what to say. I don't know his name and I've never spoken to him ever! He sits 1-2 rows in front of where I sit and he's such a charmer, he's not a person who sits there and bludges, I see him actually doing work which makes me more interested. I like a smart man. I also see him on Friday's but he sits on the other side of the lecture room with his mates, which makes it harder for me to have a good morning weekly fix, haha, does this make me sound creepy? I'm a very observant person and I remember faces, faces that strike my attention more to speak. 

Right now I'm watching Big Brother and I'm eating shapes... Shapes, oh god, I should stop, it's so unhealthy but it tastes so good! Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, do some yoga and some other exercises, then do any homework, do some study & STOP PROCRASTINATING!!

What do you think, am I a creep? Or is this normal? I feel that I notice and over-hear things a lot, which makes me seem a little stalkerish but I'm just observant!! 

I hope you had a good Tuesday, it was good for me, the sun was shining and I got to see the mysterious charming male specimen hahaha oh golly.

Yours Truly,

Bella

Goodmorning

2/8/13

It's another beautiful day, the sun is shining, I have the day off from uni and I've done some light yoga stretches. With my new outlook on life (even though it's been a day), I feel better plus I can finally paint my nails with the new colour I recently purchased, Sparrow Me the Drama by OPI.

Today I'm going to do as I promised, to make some uni notes and complete any tasks that's given for the week and I'll think about whether to do some exercise or not. I also recently purchased two new beauty products - 1st the Tea Tree Oil Mask from the Body Shop and 2nd product is the Tea Tree Blemish Fade Night Lotion from the Body Shop. The mask is used only once a week, after using it my face feels fresh and clean, the Night Lotion is recommended to be used every night and I have already seen results, the blemishes are slowly fading away and at first I thought this product is so pricey, it was around $23 for such a small bottle, but now that I have used it, it's definitely worth the bucks.

I have also been using Cetaphil Cleanser and the Moisturiser, it has also been a great investment, my face is much clearer to what it was 2 years ago, however this has been in conjunction with a good diet and also with herbal medicines or healthy soups.

So, for those who are battling with blemishes and need a way to clear them up, definitely try the products listed in this blog, however I can not guarantee the same results because we all have different skin complexions. 

Hope you have a very good Monday, stay safe and appreciate everything that you have today.

Yours Truly,

Bella

Listening to:

Almost is never enough - Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes

This is my current song obsession, in fact any Ariana Grande song is my obsession, in the previous months you've got The Way, Die in your Arms, Right There and have you heard Ariana sing Emotions by Mariah Carey?!!?? 

Listen to her music and you will not regret it! ♡

Yours Truly,

Bella

Starting Fresh

1/9/13

Say hello to Spring! 

I have been waiting for Spring for way too long! I absolutely dreaded Winter, I just don't know what to wear, it's so hard but thankfully, it barely rained this whole Winter, surprisingly, which was really good, it feels as if it wasn't too cold at all. 

So, this morning, I woke up with the sun shining through my window and it just felt great! I decided that I need to start over, start fresh, I got out of bed and put on my workout gear, pulled out my yoga mat and searched up yoga videos. It felt really good, I've never done yoga before but my body feels lighter and all that oxygen in my body makes me feel alive, especially after last night, we kind of treated ourselves with takeaway - well I had pizza and my dad had Thai food because it was father's day the next day (which is today - 1/9/13).

Today is Fathers Day and we have nothing planned for him, like every other year but I realised he doesn't really mind, both my parents don't really care about Mothers day or Fathers day, I mean we get them cards and chocolates or a cup or something useful but other than that, we don't go all out with big parties or take them out for a surprise. 

Starting from today, I need to pull my act together, I need to start focusing on my Uni work and also on my self image. I only go to Uni twice a week and I should be making notes or doing my assignments during those days I don't go to Uni, I also should be walking the dog or going for the run by the park but I'm just so lazy. So from today, I will start doing those things because if I don't, I'm only going to be stressed in the end, not reaching potential goals or outcomes and it's just a waste of time.

So, to whoever may be reading this, set goals for yourself this Spring or Autumn and do them, don't set them but have no actions. Happy Fathers Day to all and I hope you have a very very good day!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Into the Present

31/8/13

To start off, i'm going to write about what has been happening this month in August.

August went really quick, in fact this whole year has, another 4 months at it's 2014.

I dated this guy called Leo, back in 2009 and ended in 2010 but we're still friends, I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing. I've heard the saying along the lines of, never be friends with the ex because it means that one of us is not quite over the other. I guess it's kind of true, i've heard he's not over me, that he misses me and wants to know whether I do as well.. but I don't think I do, there's so many things about him that I just, I find so annoying, we're not even together and we argue with each so often. I really do miss having someone to hug, to go out and do couple-like things together. 

But then there is this other guy, Hermit, I've known him for so long but he lives so far, not across the globe but just in another state. He's amazingly gorgeous, haha, maybe not a CK model, but he's quite good-looking, to me anyhow, he's nice and... yeah haha. I don't think anything will happen, ever, but I want to meet him one day, even though that might be awkward but you never know. We met over this game, 9 years ago, haha, we were both incredibly young but pretended to be older than we were, we used to talk over msn, then txt but it wasn't like 24/7 or everyday chat, it was just a here and there chats. I have him on FB and we talk there but they would go for 2 days and it'd stop. 

I kind of side tracked from what happened this month, to my love life, hahaha, well what else happened this August, uuh it was my friends birthday, we hit the clubs and had a good girls night out, university is going way too quick and I have no clue when anything is due, I feel like the work is just toppling all over me and I have no motivation to do anything about it.

I was getting back into the exercise regime and eating healthy but that only ever goes for so long... maybe for 2 weeks and there's always some event that changes my routine, but I haven't entirely eaten junk food so, I think i'm in the all clear.

I better go and do some work and finish this quiz, I hope you have a great day and do the things that make you happy.

Yours Truly,

Bella