Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Opening up

15/01/14

Hello readers,
On Monday night, I decided to open up and just go for it, asked him how he feels about me because I needed to know, I needed to know where this somewhat 'relationship' stands, whether he liked me the way that I liked him and if he ever wanted to pursue a relationship. 
That whole day I was just in a wallowing mood, I wasn't at my happiest but I wasn't at my lowest however I did end up in the night breaking down when I took a shower and I don't even know why. 
I told him how I felt and thought, that I do like him and I don't expect him to like me back, I don't want to hurt him if I was to ever become involved with some other guy - let me recap who I am talking about here, he lives in another state and we've known each other since I was 9 or 10 (I am turning 19 soon) and only recently we reconnected through txt messaging over the past year (2013).
He told me, that if we were to ever meet in real life and we do end up liking each other then things will change, I don't expect him to change how he feels about me after the talk, I just wanted to let him know where I stand with my feelings and to let him know that I don't want to hurt him, hurt him in the way that he may think that I was leading him on and just playing with him (if I was to end up with someone else).
But in the end, things happen for a reason and if it was meant to be, it's meant to be, if it's not then that is ok, that is life. Not everything is supposed to sail perfectly, what you want or see in your future will not always be that way.
Also if someone is that special to you, they are worth the wait and he is but it's hard because he lives so far away, I can't wait forever, but I did stick with my guns and stayed loyal, people say that I shouldn't even bother with him because 'long distant' relationships 'don't work' but you never know, you never know until you try, I'd rather try than regret not trying at all, I don't want to look back in 3 months, in 6 months, in 2 years and regret and say to myself "What if I continued and didn't give up on him, would we have been something, would be together?" 
I guess the main reason I got upset and broke down was because I don't want those people who said "long distant relationships don't work', I don't want them to say "I told you so" "You should of listened to me" "You waisted your time", but in the end, it's my choice, my choice whether to listen to them and do what they said and it is my choice whether to continue to hold on or not because in the end, it's my heart, not theirs.
After opening up to him that night, it opened up my mind and my heart, and it was good, I relaxed me, it put my at ease with my emotions and thoughts. I was scared to do it, scared to ask but it was all worth it in the end, we still talk till this day and I am happy :)
And whatever happens, happens and I'll be happy about it.

I'm glad I did what I did because I am happy.
Don't be scared to tell somebody how you truly feel, don't be scared to ask someone whether they like you or not, I know the whole 'rejection, losing a friend' aspect can be intimidating but it will put you at ease in the end, it will show the true colours of the other person.
Guys are also scared too, scared to talk or ask anything to girls, they are just like us but someone has to step up, guys like being messaged first by a girl, it kind of puts pressure of their backs and sometimes us girls need to be empowered to maybe be the man in the relationship.
So don't be afraid, whatever is on your mind, just tell them! It will be worth it in the end!
Yours Truly,
Bella

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