Talking | ♡

05/02/14

So I have a few things to write about in this blog post, from changing myself and to talking with other people.

First off, changing myself, I write about this all the time and I always tell myself that I will change, I will do this and that, I do change but then after a while, slowly I lose motivation but I'm going to try this year to push on.

I'm going to start being more healthy, watch what I eat, don't give in to bad foods, I mean I'm not going on a strict diet but moderate what I eat, I'm going to go for walks or runs, be more active and just enjoy life, because when I am healthy and active, I am happy and that is what really matters.

Also recently I did dye the bottom of my hair, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it too, like ombre or balayage, I'll just have to grow my hair longer for it too look/suit better.

Me and Hermit.. I don't know, agh! Confusing but like I said, when we meet... one day, we'll know. For now, anything can happen, basically like an open relationship.

I've been talking to a few people as well but nothing of interest, just getting to know people and it's good to meet new people, it takes you out of your comfort zone - however be careful with talking with people online, you never know, they can be crazy and you don't want that.

I have also had a discussion with Leo, my ex, which we fight like a married couple and we're not even together, he frustrates me a lot but we've discussed over some issues and now we are going to try.. try and be friends, maybe not close friends, but friendly enough that we don't ignore each other, where we don't have to try and pretend they don't exist when they're across the room, it just makes everything awkward and I hate hearing things from people because it makes me annoyed at him, especially when stories aren't told properly, they become twisted to make me think of a totally different situation.

I'm slowly learning to forgive and let go of the angers and problems between us, because there is not real point too it.

I'll keep you posted, but for now, I need sleep and people are chatting to me as we speak, so I don't want to keep them waiting for a reply.

Hope everyone has a good Thursday, I'm planning to go to the gym and work my bum off... well build and tone my bum really....

Yours Truly,

Bella

Practice | ♡

22/01/14

Yesterday, my bestfriend and I, went out to buy a guitar, I'm really eager to learn and eventually play it! It's day 2 with the guitar and my fingers are obviously getting sore haha, my hands are really small but you know what, I'm not going to let that be my excuse for not trying, I'm not going to give up just yet!

I didn't work my ass off for the money to buy this guitar even though it was the cheapest of them all (cheap for a quality guitar but not too cheap that it's plastic).

Practice makes perfect right? Or close enough. I'm going to practice till my hands stretch, till my hands can become flexible and to also change chords fluently. I'm ready to relearn how to read music, to learn chords and everything.

I'm not just going to only practice on the guitar, but also on the piano.

This is my new years resolution to become better at piano and guitar, to learn songs and to make a cover!!!

I want to become a better musician! For me, be a better musician for me, for my happiness and for life :)

Yours Truly,

Bella

Opening up

15/01/14

Hello readers,

On Monday night, I decided to open up and just go for it, asked him how he feels about me because I needed to know, I needed to know where this somewhat 'relationship' stands, whether he liked me the way that I liked him and if he ever wanted to pursue a relationship. 

That whole day I was just in a wallowing mood, I wasn't at my happiest but I wasn't at my lowest however I did end up in the night breaking down when I took a shower and I don't even know why. 

I told him how I felt and thought, that I do like him and I don't expect him to like me back, I don't want to hurt him if I was to ever become involved with some other guy - let me recap who I am talking about here, he lives in another state and we've known each other since I was 9 or 10 (I am turning 19 soon) and only recently we reconnected through txt messaging over the past year (2013).

He told me, that if we were to ever meet in real life and we do end up liking each other then things will change, I don't expect him to change how he feels about me after the talk, I just wanted to let him know where I stand with my feelings and to let him know that I don't want to hurt him, hurt him in the way that he may think that I was leading him on and just playing with him (if I was to end up with someone else).

But in the end, things happen for a reason and if it was meant to be, it's meant to be, if it's not then that is ok, that is life. Not everything is supposed to sail perfectly, what you want or see in your future will not always be that way.

Also if someone is that special to you, they are worth the wait and he is but it's hard because he lives so far away, I can't wait forever, but I did stick with my guns and stayed loyal, people say that I shouldn't even bother with him because 'long distant' relationships 'don't work' but you never know, you never know until you try, I'd rather try than regret not trying at all, I don't want to look back in 3 months, in 6 months, in 2 years and regret and say to myself "What if I continued and didn't give up on him, would we have been something, would be together?" 

I guess the main reason I got upset and broke down was because I don't want those people who said "long distant relationships don't work', I don't want them to say "I told you so" "You should of listened to me" "You waisted your time", but in the end, it's my choice, my choice whether to listen to them and do what they said and it is my choice whether to continue to hold on or not because in the end, it's my heart, not theirs.

After opening up to him that night, it opened up my mind and my heart, and it was good, I relaxed me, it put my at ease with my emotions and thoughts. I was scared to do it, scared to ask but it was all worth it in the end, we still talk till this day and I am happy :)
And whatever happens, happens and I'll be happy about it.

I'm glad I did what I did because I am happy.

Don't be scared to tell somebody how you truly feel, don't be scared to ask someone whether they like you or not, I know the whole 'rejection, losing a friend' aspect can be intimidating but it will put you at ease in the end, it will show the true colours of the other person.

Guys are also scared too, scared to talk or ask anything to girls, they are just like us but someone has to step up, guys like being messaged first by a girl, it kind of puts pressure of their backs and sometimes us girls need to be empowered to maybe be the man in the relationship.

So don't be afraid, whatever is on your mind, just tell them! It will be worth it in the end!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Friends & Music | ♡

18/12/13

Good morning everyone, hope you are all having a good Wednesday, it has been incredibly hot these past few days, however it did rain a little, which this bipolar weather isn't really my favourite.

So recently, my close friend texted me and he had a question, something he wanted to talk about and I was like sure, what is it, what's your question?

He asked me something that I would of never of expected, especially from him, it made me open up my eyes that my closest friends who are as chirpy as I am and their lives, from my eyes, look effortless and

fun, it's not stressful like mine but when he told me how he was feeling and asking me if I ever feel they way that he has... it astonishes me, a lot.

I never knew he would ever feel this way, he always seemed popular and surrounded by amazing friends and I, myself, when I'm at parties or gatherings, I would look at all my friends and sit there, in silence because I'm not as close with them, I feel left out, I feel I'm not as interesting as they are with others and now knowing, that at times he feels the same, it makes me feel... confused.

I'm here to help him though, I've been through it all and I've found ways to cope with these feelings.

On another note, writing music is so difficult, difficult in terms of getting the write words, melody and making sure the message sounds okay or it's not creepy at all.

Horoscope | ♡

12/12/13

Pisces Horoscope 2013

"Intensity has been at an all time high when it comes to love, Pisces, and today will be no different. You may be feeling a sense of warning in the air, but once again this is more in your imagination than in reality. If someone has put an offer on the table, you are wisest to at least give this one a shot. You may feel you are risking too much by doing so, but if you examine the past, you know this person will be there for you no matter what happens down the road. True love is unconditional, and the words you are hearing are sincere enough. You will need to believe in this unconditionally as well, for if you do not believe that you can be loved this way, how can you expect to share your own love in the same manner?"

I don't know whether I should believe this, but it seems somewhat true, I don't now whether the guy that I like, likes me back or feels the same way. I don't know if my texting is annoying and he's trying to escape from it and I'm just scared, scared to lose him or make him think I'm clingy/crazy.

Hardest part is, he lives so far away, far away as in a different state and I don't know if there is another girl. Am I just over thinking everything? I don't talk to him as much as everyone thinks that I do and I don't know how he actually feels or thinks, it's hard knowing without seeing their actual reactions and having that face to face interactivity.

I guess time will tell and I really hope this horoscope is true, so then all my thinking can just disappear.

Yours Truly,

Bella.

A life update | ♡

09/12/13

Hello hello, it has been... forever long since my last post. Mainly because nothing exciting has came up or.. I just forget or I am too lazy to update.

Oh however, I did go to Melbourne on the 25th of November to the 29th of November. The trip was so much fun, I actually enjoyed it, the hype around the whole, shopping is better in Melbourne.. I don't know, it seems the same, some of the fashion are the same however there are some stores that are in Sydney as well but have different styles in Melbourne, the prices are fairly similar as well. I didn't purchase much, things seemed the same however the food, is AH-MAZING! It tastes so so good and definitely worth the money (kinda expensive but worth it), Schnitz, oh my god! Delicious chicken parmigiana's ever!!!

Ever since I went to Melbourne and shopped in Portmans, I have recently been going in to the Sydney stores and checking out their clothing and I really like it, it's nice and elegant, it's not the too casual.. mainstream teen type of clothing, it's more mature and fashionable, definitely, also it's very chic and I like that, it has style and it's worth it's penny (well some items).

Overall, Melbourne is quite nice, I stayed at the Somerset on Elizabeth hotel which has a kitchen in the room which is great and it's in like the heart of the city of Melbourne which you could get around places so easily, so very close to Bourke St.

Umm what else is new in my life.. Well I've started to write some songs and I don't know whether they're good or not, I find it difficult to write lyrics because for starters, I've never done it before and I'm just winging it. My friend is helping me of course with the melody and how the piano will go with the lyrics, so this might me a long process. I don't even know if people will like the lyrics I have written up, I know someone in particular probably won't like it, but I couldn't care less because.. I.. feel that, this person, doesn't deserve my respect if they don't respect me after everything that I have done, such as forgiveness, respected their space and time and everything and so whatever, if they don't like that it's about them, then whatever, I shall be the next Taylor Swift, I don't care.

But other than that, I hope people do like the song, obviously it won't be like a killer top 10 on iTunes (haha I wish).

Christmas is also around the corner! So is the New Year!!! 

I literally... feel to poor to buy anybody Christmas Presents, in fact, I don't even know what to buy people these days, everyone is getting older, buying gifts for boys is 100x more difficult but I have no idea what they want! Also I don't know what my Aunties and Uncles would like or need, especially when I have a mum who is very very (VERY!) picky with what she buys for people, not in terms of, it has to be the best gift but rather it has to be something useful and a certain quality that she likes not to mention my Aunties and Uncles are also picky as well (apparently, all the more to add to the list of difficulties of Christmas Presents).

All in all, nothing much has changed in my life, I wish I could say something amazing has happened but nope, sadly. However I appreciate my life, each and everyday, I just have to make my own changes rather than wait for changes to happen because that's the only way we can survive and in order for us to be happy.

I hope everyone has a good day and a good week!

Yours Truly,

Bella

Relationships | ♡

13/11/13

It's Wednesday and it's finally good weather, it's been raining for the past 2 days and I can't stand the rain, it's cold and miserable. On top of that, it's exam finals period for me and I'm tired from waking up early in the wee hours of the morning and getting stuck into books and notes till the dead of night. I'm barely getting sleep, around 5hrs to 7hrs top. Oh the joys of University. I have one exam left and that is next Tuesday, so hopefully, if I am able to study throughout these next few days, efficiently, without procrastination, I won't have to cram and sleep late on the Monday night, worrying about the exam.

What else is boggling my mind, is him, Hermit, haha, every time I bring that silly name up, it makes me chuckle.

He drives me absolutely insane, he's charming, extremely talented, in my opinion and something about him makes me really want him, really wanting him to be mine - not in a crazy 'I have to have him and nobody can' type of way, but a 'I want you to know that I like you' haha - I don't think I'm making sense. I want to receive those 'goodmorning' or 'goodnight' texts because when those happen, it makes my day a whole lot better, also everytime I receive a snapchat from him, it makes me smile like crazy and wishing those photos would last longer than 10 seconds. 

Hardest part is, he lives 1000000kms away, I don't know what he is really thinking or acting when he texts me, I don't know if this is him being nice or just a friend, or merely interested. I'm trying not to get my hopes and expectations up and thinking/feeling the way I feel, but I do hope that is the case and if not.. I'm fine with that but it would suck if he actually has a girl he's interested over where he is and I'm just this annoying girl from 100000kms away texting haha.

Eugh! Why does falling in love or liking someone have to be so difficult, especially distant people you're interested in. I know people say distant relationships are the hardest and don't work but what is there to lose to just try and make it work?

Sometimes I feel stupid for even thinking we are an item, or becoming one because what if that is not what he's thinking or feeling?? Hmm, I don't want to ask and be forward because that might scare him..

I don't know, I hope everyone else has a great day and enjoy the rest of the week! It's nearly Christmas!! Hooray!

Yours Truly,

Bella